Many of us have considered whether we would absolutely leave our love relationship in light of an affair. Cut and dry consequences can make the rules and consequences within a relationship very easy. At other times they can actually make things very complicated. An affair is not only destructive to the relationship, but it can be destructive to the partner that has remained faithful. Going through all of the potential solutions can be maddening. Don’t rush, but know that you have choices that are your own.
You know who she is. She’s the one with the office fashion jewelry that looks as stunning as she does. She is the one that flirts with everyone, regardless of their gender or age, and has the reputation that she got her position through these heavy flirtations, and possibly more. Your partner has become enchanted by her, and you’re stuck at home trying to figure it all out.
Depression is easy to slip into when you find out your partner is having an affair. An extreme depression can mean that you simply stop trying to attract positive attention from your cheating partner. Things like doing your hair, taking the time to apply make up, winter time dry skin care, facial care, and even keeping up with the laundry can be overwhelming. It can seem like putting any effort forward can be considered a huge waste of time.
The kids are suddenly living in what seems like a single parent home. The baby barely knows the stranger that pops in from time to time, and you’re left with everything from diapers to bath time and no real adult conversation. The double electric breast pump you bought to allow your partner to take part in the feeding now sits in a corner untouched. You’re not really a family any more.
What do you do? Do you keep the relationship together in hopes that the affair will eventually disintegrate? Do you start preparing for life on your own? Is there any point to confronting your partner and forcing their hand in order to get him or her to choose? You have to keep moving, but when you don’t know what direction you’re moving in life can get very scary.
There can be a strong sense that someone took your feeling of control away from you. If you and your partner set rules in the beginning that basically stated that cheating would end the relationship, the act itself could force your hand. Reclaiming your right to make a decision based on what you actually want might mean breaking the earlier agreed upon consequences.
It’s your decision. Your choices from here will most likely shape the rest of your life. It can be very difficult to maintain any real decision without gathering all of the facts. Yet the one thing that can keep you empowered is finding the resources to walk away. Knowing that choosing to stay or choosing to go is actually a choice can give you more strength than you know.